What Your Underwear Says about You

What your underwear says about youAccording to every woman’s ‘what men really want’ Bible (that’s Cosmo to you and me) once a woman sees a man in his underwear, she knows exactly what kind of man is going to be.  As much as we respect Cosmo’s opinion, there are also (apparently) some serious theorists out there who have come up with genuine ideas about what a man’s underwear says about him.

From boxers to briefs, to letting it all hang-out commando, we present you with our highly scientific findings of what your underwear really says about you…

BRIEFS

We’re not talking about those slightly baggy, greyish briefs that most men stopped wearing once they hit puberty. Oh no, We mean the grown-up version of the ‘tighty whitie’ – popularised by David Beckham in an Armani pair circa ’07 – remember the black and white ads?

What it says about you: If you’re still sporting the tighty-whitie then either you genuinely haven’t hit puberty, or it’s high time you ditched them and grew up.  You are probably the shy, retiring kind of man. If, on the other hand you’re sporting the Beckham-esq type, then we’re guessing you view support as important as sex appeal.  You’re probably confident, driven and care about fashion and your own appearance greatly.

BOXER-BRIEFS

Ah! The hybrid of the underwear world – like the Labradoodle, the boxer-brief is the result of an unlikely pairing of two breeds combining to create something altogether quite fantastic.

What it says about you: You’re the man who knows when to be classy and when to let it all hang out. In other words, you know what women want, you are confident and driven.

BOXERS

For most boys, boxers were what you moved onto after the tighty-whitie stage of your undergarment journey through life.  Stripes, spots and squares, no doubt you had them in an array of different colours.  Despite their teenage popularity they are deeply impractical – they bunch under trousers and provide zero support.

What it says about you: Still a school-boy at heart, you are most likely to be found drinking pints with friends whilst watching the football.  You’re probably quite lazy and you lack care when it comes to your appearance.

THONG/JOCK-STRAP/BIKINI

Stereotypically, the reserve of the super-tanned, beach dwelling South American stud or European playboy.

What it says about you: Unless you look like David Gandy in those photos (don’t even try and pretend you haven’t seen them), we suggest you leave this look to the Gods and demi-Gods of this world.  If, however, you still insist on wearing them then we have to conclude that you are uber-confident, arrogant and a bit vain.  On the other hand, maybe it’s time to question your sexuality.

COMMANDO

What it says about you: You’re probably quite disorganised, the sort of man who is happy to eat one week old pizza and still thinks he can make it as a musician. On the plus side, you are entirely lacking in vanity, a bit of a free-spirit/modern hippie and extremely laid back. You are adventurous and spontaneous…there’s simply no time to put on underwear. (Or have you run out of clean pairs?)

Further Reading