Summer is on its way – and with it, almost inevitably, comes a willingness to head to the gym, an appetite to dress better, and a surge in dating-app downloads. The winter parkas are shed, and the skin is all there to bare. Yet, the world of digital courting is a complex minefield nowadays, and the choice of platforms is seemingly endless – so, our advice is to stick to a few simple, easy-to-follow rules that’ll help you navigate this space without losing your dignity.

There are myriad reports that say a good proportion of dating-app users lie about their appearance in their profile. Users also lie about their jobs, their pets, their salary, their love for rom-coms and The White Lotus (even though they’ve never seen it). However, the subject of your affection will find out eventually. We say don’t bother with spin – the truth can’t be that bad, and lying gets things off on the wrong foot.

We’ve heard countless nightmare stories about our friends having gone on Tinder dates to eventually discover that the person they’ve been talking to has in fact got a partner. A waste of everyone’s time – so, if you’re already in a relationship (and one based around monogamy), the same principle of rule #1 applies here: the truth will always come out.

Our friend Regina once had a guy open with, ‘PHEW’ – and then continued to tell her that he had just survived a crash landing on a Ryanair flight from Amsterdam while sat next to Jacob Rees-Mogg. We’re still presuming this is a lie, and a bad one at that, and it’ll just make the receiver of the message ignore you. It’s a bit like the online equivalent of the odd bloke on the bus trying to strike up conversation.

Isto devia ser considerado um crime capital no mundo dos encontros online. Eis uma pequena lista de algumas pérolas que já lemos: olá, gatinha sexy; pareces sexy; sorriso sexy; demasiado quente para tocar; és sal? É que és sódio linda. E não abuses dos emojis — um homem que sabe usar bem as palavras é muito mais atraente do que um que abusa da beringela e do pêssego.

You wish your weekend was longer? Your day has been a struggle because your weekend was so reckless? You’re tired? The ex is threatening to take custody of your Huey Lewis collection? You may be able to get away with this basic level of small talk while you’re making tea with Tim from accounts, but it is not going to snag you a date. In general, perhaps keep the oversharing to the third or fourth date.

Aqui ficam algumas sugestões – destinam-se sobretudo a um primeiro encontro, mas algumas também podem ser aplicadas a esta situação. Experimente perguntar: Qual foi a pior frase de engate que já ouviu? Mantém a conversa descontraída e pode dar pano para mangas – sem que seja à sua custa.

É algo que está fora de questão, na verdade. Guardem as beringelas, cavalheiros 🍆

Want more etiquette advice? Here’s how to buy a drink for a stranger at the bar…