The gentleman’s guide to breaking up

Ending a relationship is not easy; there’s a reason why so many songs, films and poems have been written about the sad act that is the break up. The truth is that there is genuinely no right or wrong way to do it; but there is definitely a right and wrong way to behave. Every man should know that he needs to stay true to himself and to remain – at all points in the process – a polite, compassionate and empathetic gentleman. So, what’s the best way to break up with her and to remain a gentleman.

She may have been grinding your gears for the last couple of weeks (or months, depending on how cowardly you are), but one of the most important steps in the break up process is to ensure that you remember why you started dating her in the first place. There are clearly some great things about her, so it’s important to remember these rather than just reflecting on the negative. You’re already ending a relationship that you have both invested time and emotion into, so try and remain positive (and nice).

No gentleman wants to be known as a coward (or worse) and we cannot stress how important it is for you to break up with her face-to-face. It is never – under any circumstances whatsoever – acceptable to break up with someone over social media/whatsapp/text message/the phone. The only way to do it is to go over to her place, sit her down and talk about it face-to-face. It is going to make the whole process a lot easier and pain-free – for both of you.

You need to think about being in her shoes; she has no idea what’s about to happen to her. You need to get to the point – there isn’t one girl in the world who wants to sit there and hear the following: “our relationship has been amazing, but…”, “you’re so awesome, but…”, “I really think I could have loved you, but…”, “I was really starting to fall for you, but…”. You’re breaking up with her – she gets it – so just rip that plaster off and get to the point; trust us, she really doesn’t care how you felt.

While we would never – under any circumstances – condone cheating, it’s massively important to remember the two people in the relationship – you and her. If you like someone else/have been texting someone else/have been thinking about someone else, there’s absolutely no point in mentioning it. If you cheat on her, you always need to tell her (you’re not getting away with that one) but it’s going to make the whole process a lot easier if you just don’t bring anyone else into it. Remember – ignorance is bliss.

You are a gentleman and you need to remember that in the before, during and after phases of the breakup. You need to be polite, you need to be gracious and you need to make sure that you don’t leave there with her feeling awful about herself. Always put yourself in her situation and think long and hard about how you would want to be broken up with. If you don’t want to stay friends with her that’s fine, but you still need to text her that night (and a week later) to remind her that she’s a great person and check that she’s not wallowing in self-pity. Always, always remain a gentleman.