How to do Ascot like a gent

If you’ve been before you’ll know what it’s about. It you haven’t then I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures, heard the stories, considered how chubby your face will look in a top hot. Royal Ascot is a sophisticated affair, with a large sprinkling of revelry and frivolity – it’s why some 300,000 visitors descend on the racecourse over the five days. Here’s our quick-flip guide as to how to do Ascot like a gent…

PICNICING

Us Brits go a little nuts for a picnic. Maybe it’s because we so rarely get to the see the sun, so when we do we feel an unbridled urge to join the wasps and ants on the grass, swapping our roofed roasts for charcuterie, salmon, quail’s eggs, salads and bubbles. No wonder people who live in warmer climes carry a smile throughout the summer, high on the finest foods and tepid air.

Ascot is to the picnic scene what Monaco is to Formula One – the pinnacle of extravagance. Yes the Royal Enclosure ticket holders eat in a car park, but not an NCP multi-storey concrete block with the aesthetic charm of a raison. Think more along the lines of an emerald cricket field, littered with polished cars, the fat aroma of BBQs accompanied by the popping of corks and general merriment.

Folk really go for it too – I’ve seen spreads that make the feast of Stephen seem like a starter. There are major no-nos to adhere to though. No butlers or caterers – no one likes those people. No over-the-top gazebos that look as if you’re prepared to play Noah and house two of every animal should the monsoons come. Stop showing off. Keep it elegant.

Drinks: Bubbles, rosé, white wine, glass-bottled beer, Pimms – Yes. WKD, vodka Redbull, shots – No.

DON’T MISS…

The Royal Procession – the chance to see the Queen and her guests. She kicks off proceedings everyday at 2pm, waving to an adoring crowd. Don’t be the guy stuck inside stuffing your face with delicate canapés while Her Majesty takes her seat.

THE RACES

Fun is part of the package at Ascot – you should expect it and it is expected of you. But don’t become a Daily Mail front page story, being caught on camera as your four friends haul you away, mud and beer splattered on your tails and your dignity nowhere to be seen while you hurl inappropriate slogans at every good-looking girl within in 100-metre circumference. That ain’t cricket. You look the part, so why play a prat?

Rather, treat the occasion like a smart garden party. No running, no shouting, swear at your peril and do not, I repeat do not remove your top hat unless in a restaurant, private box or club. If you do, you’ll be told off in such a way that you’ll be transported back to your good ol’ school days when your teacher gave you a slap on the wrist for talking to your neighbour during Maths.

When in the Grandstand, tradition dictates a library hush during the race and a rapturous reception as the horses enter the final furlongs… it’s not that easy to adhere to the former part, especially if your 250-1 no-hoper is sensationally heading the field. However, always remember, you are surrounded by the old and the young, the first-timers and the seasoned devotees – so keep it clean and tasteful.

A FEW DON’TS…

• Trainers are not allowed. (Not the best combination with tails anyway.)
• No novelty and branded or promotional clothing.
• Bare chests are not permitted at any time. (This should be a given, but we’ve all go that one friend for whom naturism becomes a tempting option when the taste of alcohol hits the lips.)

KNOW THE FACTS

• It is the most valuable race meeting in Britain, with £5.5 million in prize money.
• Ascot’s first ever race took place on 11 August, 1711.
• Royal Ascot Official Timing Partner is Longines.
• It is viewed in over 200 countries.
• Divorcees were banned from the Royal Enclosure until 1955.
• The royal procession began in 1825 when King George IV drove up the centre of the course in front of the crowds, a tradition that continues to the present day.
• 16,700 items of temporary furniture are hired in for the Royal Meeting.