Etiquette -- 3 months ago
Words: Gentleman's Journal
At a pivotal moment in the history of man, roving to far and distant lands became a thing of indulgence. No longer in search of essential foods and water, travelling evolved to a search of luxury and decadence; secluded water villas, sunset dining and service fit for kings. You take holidays to feel good, but time is short. Breaks away are inevitably stamped with expiration dates and so it’s essential you have what all successful men need – a team that can make things happen. The good news is we’ve already selected the key roles, here’s how you fill them.
THE HOTEL MANAGER, At least one week from your arrival date, this is the person you need to contact. Mere mortals wait until he happens to wander through the lobby with some other VIP, super-gents email him beforehand and present themselves. Politely get his email address from reception, tell him who you are and when you’ll be arriving. Don’t bother with the ‘it’s a special occasion’ line, it’s trite and he’s heard it twice today already. The special occasion is you being there. You want him to confirm there’s nothing else you need do to ensure the best room and service from his staff. When you arrive at your destination, meet him so he puts a face to the name. Keep it brief and thank him for responding to your email. When you see him again, say something pleasant about his hotel, never confine your conversations to just complaints.
THE CONCIERGE, On the first day of your holiday find out the full name of the concierge. This man has a golden key to the information, people and places that you need to know. The next time you’re in reception, shake his hand and greet him as Mr [insert last name]. Don’t dare demean yourself by glancing at his name badge, you’re better than that. Tell him you’re not interested in his laminated site-seeing brochure for guests. You can find all of that on the internet – you want the classified stuff. It’ll excite him to think outside the usual box and you’ll be surprised where you end up.
THE BARMAN, Okay, so this man is going to want hard cash, but there’s a process. Make sure the bar’s not too crowded and when it’s time, ask him for a drink. Make it clear you want it to be good. The key is to let him know you care, you’re not simply in it for the inebriation. If you’re staying anywhere decent this guy will be trained and will appreciate your discernment. Once it’s poured, take a sip or two, make it obvious you’re determining its quality. If the tipple is good thank him, compliment the drink – not him – and then leave a large tip. If the drink’s no good, give him one or two pointers for next time and then leave the tip. Tell him your name as you do it, he won’t forget you and your next cocktail hour will be sublime.
HOUSE-KEEPING, If you care about towels expertly sculptured into swans at the end of your bed and enough toiletries for a month back home, then you need to keep this person happy. These guys and gals require plain, straight-talking. When you spend six hours a day cleaning bathrooms, subtlety is simply more time away from what you’d rather be doing. Let them know that if they take care of your room and do a good job, you’ll look after them. And make sure you do.
RESTAURANT MANAGER, In five star restaurants and resorts the restaurant manager – your second choice is the maître d’ – will always ask you how you are and how your holiday is going. Most guests will just answer and say thank you. Wrong. Master the art of dominant but friendly aloofness. Always shake hands, answer briefly using his name and then ask him how he is, if he’s working all day and if the chef is happy. Tell him breakfast was perfect or that last night’s dinner was divine – any of these but do it early, within 24hours if you want the best tables and waiter service for the rest of your stay. Engage with him at least every couple of days so his memory of you doesn’t become watered down by the arrival of new guests.
