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A gentleman’s guide to the one-night stand

Time to take a stand, gentlemen.

You may baulk at the idea of a one-night stand being discussed as a gentlemanly pursuit. But, before you click away, consider this: as is the nature of one-time hook-ups, they happen spontaneously, often without time to prepare and almost always without any sort of follow up.

So, surely, it makes sense for you to suspend your outrage, read up on the best way to handle these chance encounters – and prepare for your most fleeting of flings.

The Location

First things first, put your phone away. A suave and charming gent can definitely get away with a one-night stand, but not if it begins with a right swipe on Tinder. Seduction through filtered photographs and one-liners copied and pasted from the internet is as far from James Bond as you can possibly get.

Instead, identify high chance locations – such as weddings, holiday parties and birthdays. Consider crashing functions and making a splash. One-off events are much better hunting grounds for one-night flings than bars and clubs, as the atmosphere has the air of a ticking clock – which allows you to capitalise on the urgency of the situation.

A gentleman’s guide to the one-night stand

The Girls

Like the location, you should choose the women you approach carefully. Those who look shy or closed off are much less likely to go home with a man after only knowing him for an evening, so look for confident and extroverted girls.

Those dancing exuberantly on the floor, or those who have clearly put in a lot of extra effort to look nice, are solid options. Look out for women scanning the room as well. A tip that may go counter to your usual approach is to focus on the slightly-less attractive friends of the hottest girls in the room – those who will usually be overlooked in the attention stakes.

The Approach

Confidence is key here. You’re hoping to go from introductions to the bedroom in a matter of hours, so there is no time for hanging around. Instead, take charge, buy her a drink, strike up conversation and take risks. Flirtiness is good – as long as you don’t tip over from cheeky to creepy.

Also take this time to establish what you’re looking for on the dating scene. Don’t be too explicit, but subtly hint that you’re not after a long-term relationship – and would rather keep things casual. This gives her a chance to back out if you don’t see eye-to-eye.

A gentleman’s guide to the one-night stand

The Read

Time is of the essence, so if conversation seems to be drying up – or, even worse, veering towards the friend zone – then get out quick. Assess her body language to see how well you’re doing. If her arms are open, her body oriented towards you and her eyes and face perceptive and engaged, then stick with it.

However, if her body language is closed in, she’s reaching for her phone and peering over your shoulder to scan the room for someone else, then back out now. Remember, the clock is ticking.

The Initiation

Breaking the touch barrier is the next step. You can do this with a casual arm touch, or just get dancing and the problem will be solved for you. Build this up steadily and stealthily but concertedly, and then lean in.

Don’t suggest going straight back to hers as soon as you’ve kissed. Instead, say you’re feeling hungry and want to go grab a bite to eat, or you want to go to a quieter bar – this’ll provide the perfect stepping stone between your original meeting place and the bedroom.

A gentleman’s guide to the one-night stand

The Clinch

Ideally, go back to hers rather than yours. This will both make her feel more comfortable about the situation and means that it’ll be much easier for you to leave in the morning.

And then to tackle leaving itself, which is a whole different ball game…

Further Reading