The foolproof guide to crashing a yacht party

Want to get down on the big blue? Here’s our watertight guide…

With Cannes Film Festival just around the corner, the internet will soon be awash with papped pictures of starlets and superstars aboard some of the most luxurious yachts in the world. And, when they aren’t lounging around in various states of undress, or playing with the jet skis and watersport equipment stowed away on board, they’ll be partying.

Yacht parties are magic. There’s something about dancing and drinking whilst you bob around on open water that adds an air of exclusivity to an evening – and the company and quality of free-flowing champagne is second to none. Jealous? You should be.

Which is why we’ve got your back. If you’re looking to get lucky and make your way onto a yacht this summer, read up, wise up and ensure you get up that gangway.

There’s no official uniform for a yacht party – unless you’re working there – but there is a particular look you want to be aiming for if you intend on getting past the man on the door – or should that be plank?

Keep things casual, with linen trousers or chinos – no shorts – and a similarly lightweight shirt. A scarf will never go amiss, nor will boat shoes, or a suitably nautical double-breasted navy blazer. Anything with an anchor print will make you look at home on the water, and this is one of those rare occasions where white jeans are actually acceptable…

Now you’ve perfected your wardrobe learn how – and when – to wear it. Sunglasses are a good idea, but make sure they’re off and hanging from your shirt when you try to blag your way on board. Don’t hide behind anything or anyone when approaching, make eye contact with any bouncer or host with a checklist, and act like you belong.

And part of acting like you belong is taking off your shoes. Shoes have no place on yachts – so socks it is. Ensure you’re wearing a deluxe pair of sock, that way you’ll look suitably rich and well-dressed. A hole in your sock will go down about as well as a hole in the boat itself.

Upon reaching the host, a surefire way to get in is to read a name upside down off the guest list – if there is one. Try to do this as subtly as you can, and keep things cool. Maybe mumble a name, and then capitalise on the confusion to point at a name on the list and appropriating that instead.

If there is no list, things get a little trickier. Either tag along with a group who are actually invited, ingratiating yourself with them just as they step on board, or pretend to wave to someone already on board, shout to them, and walk straight up the gangway.

Of course, there’s always the nuclear option. Shirt, bow tie and a plate of canapés – or empty champagne crate. No-one’s going to argue with you if you’re dressed as staff, or are taking alcohol on board to fuel the festivities. But, then again, once you’re on, nobody’s going to want to talk to you if you’re wearing an apron…

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