The dating turn offs you don’t know you’re doing

8 ways you may be screwing up that crucial first date

Gentleman's Journal, Dating, Advice

Many a gentleman have found themselves in this perplexing situation. You’ve had what seemed a cracking first date where all the signs looked positive, the conversation seemed to be flowing, and you both appeared to be attracted to each other. But then you never hear from her again, and the silence is deafening- and quite confusing. So it’s time to learn about these 8 dating turn-offs that you didn’t even know you were doing, whereby avoiding these traits in the future will mean you can pass the next first date you go on with flying colours.

1. Talking about your ex

Admittedly it’s easy to do. Maybe you’re recently out of a relationship, and it’s an obvious conversation piece to fall back on when your nervous. From now on, every time you’re about to mention your ex on a date, and ask her when her last relationship was, you will remember this post and stop. You not only look hung up and unready for dating, you will make your date feel inadequate and a mere stop gap on your way to emotional recovery. Constantly telling her how much your relationship had declined by its bitter end will not reassure her that your single, ready to mingle, and most importantly – interested in her.

2. Asking us why we're single

Gentleman's Journal, Dating, Advice

Leaning over and asking, “why is a beautiful girl like you single?” might seem like a compliment, but the reality is it makes us feel like a knife wielding crazy straight from a Hitchcock film. Again, it’s important to focus on the here and now when on a date. Live in the moment, and remember that anything outside of your date doesn’t matter whilst your on it. There is nothing more attractive than feeling that someone is focused completely on you, even if it’s just for a quick drink.

3. Talking about yourself

Some context about your life is useful for her to get know what you’re about. But remember, she came for a date and not for a lecture. Especially if it’s a first date, she won’t be that invested in you yet, so it’s important to keep the conversation lively, engaging, and most importantly two-sided. Even if you’re not that interested in her job or her housemates, at least pretend you are. Ask questions, and if she’s been silently listening to your chat for longer than two minutes, it’s time to stop and give her a chance.

4. Being overly passionate about one subject

Gentleman's Journal, Dating, Advice

It’s great that you’re passionate about *insert relevant band or football team here*, but slow down and show your date that you have an open mind. We’d want to know that we are meeting a person with varied interests that we can share and bond over. There is nothing more intimidating than meeting a man who has such specific hobbies that you feel you have no choice but to fit in with them.

5. Not having a plan

Nothing makes us die inside quite as much as hearing, “so, where do you fancy going?” We didn’t spend 2 hours getting ready, choosing outfits and texting our girlfriends for lipstick colour advice to meet you outside a blustery tube station and hear you don’t have a plan. We may end up having a wonderful evening, but we may just as likely end up trailing from crowded pub to crowded pub for hours. Although being spontaneous can be attractive, it’s not on a first date. If you’re struggling for ideas, we’ve got plenty of affordable first date ideas and the ultimate 5 spring dates she won’t expect.

6. Being overly well-groomed

Gentleman's Journal, Dating, Advice

If we can smell you before we’ve seen you, then you’ve overdone it on the aftershave. Remember, you can always add more scent, but you can never take it away. Also, if the gel in your hair makes Simon from The Inbetweeners look au natural, then it’s time to relax your pre-date grooming routine. You want to appear that you date all the time, and although your nice and clean for the event, you need to make clear that this isn’t a special, or by any means rare occasion.

7. Letting the drinks pour like concrete

Gentleman's Journal, Dating, Advice

Let’s face it, we all revert to our anxious teen phase on first dates. So, if you’re the first to arrive, find out what she likes to drink and have a double waiting for her. We are not suggesting a piss-up, or that you buy her drinks all night, but that strong first drink will chill you both out, leaving you both ready to engage. It also shows you are generous and decisive in your dating life – attractive traits indeed. There is nothing worse than nursing the leftover ice in your G&T for an hour whilst silently begging for a refill.

8. Being a wine snob

Gentleman's Journal, Dating, Advice

When the wine comes, all we want to know is that it’s drinkable and that it’s going in our glass pronto. Dates, and especially first dates, should be relaxed and fun. We do not want to know that you are “getting top notes of oak, with accents of woody pine…”, because whilst you’re “getting a hint of vanilla”, we’re getting the urge to run for the door. Getting all grand about the wine will not make you seem a modern Gatsby, it makes you pompous and unattractive. If you  need to brush up your skills on the wine front though, read our gentleman’s guide to choosing wine in a restaurant.

Further Reading