Culture -- 2 months ago
Words: Guy Aubrey Devito
There’s nothing sadder than seeing those who are much older than you trying to party down like it’s 1995, pretending they’re 17 again. Don’t make the same mistakes as them and grow old with dignity! Here are 20 things you’re too old for now you’re in your mid-twenties.
DRINKING GAMES
Ring of Fire, Roxanne and Beer Pong were all great fun in halls – but isn’t it time to start appreciating the subtle notes of that whiskey rather than sloshing it everywhere?
BEING A PLAYER
Although you might have been quite a Lothario in your younger days, surely the time has come for you to settle down with a charming young lady.
GETTING HAMMERED
Sure adults of all ages get drunk the whole time, but there’s a difference between being tipsy from one glass of Chablis too many – and trollyed after downing 10 shots in a row.
GOING BACK TO MUMMY
You’re an adult now and you can’t just go back home to your parents and your family home at every opportunity. Do your own laundry and cook your own meals!
SLEEPING IN TILL 12:00
We all enjoyed those lie-ins of our youth – on winter’s days you would get up only to find that the sun was already setting. When you’re a proper adult however it’s unacceptable.
NOT FOLLOWING ETIQUETTE/DECORUM
When you were young and foolish, forgetting to send thank you letters and not responding to invitations were faux pas that were forgiven – not any more.
LIVING LIKE AN ANIMAL
In your student days you wouldn’t see your floor for days because of all the detritus that covered it. Now you need to buck up your ideas and keep things clean and tidy.
CONSUMING BOXED SETS OF SERIES
When you were younger you spent hours watching every show from The Wire to Breaking Bad, now that you’re a young professional you should be too busy with work for all that.
CONCERTS AND FESTIVALS
This may seem contentious, but there’s something fairly strange about a man in a suit rocking down to his favourite rock band after work – grow up sir!
FIGHTING WITH SIBLINGS
When you’re young it’s understandable that you lock horns with your siblings but now you’re alone in the world, it’s time to treat your brothers as brothers and sisters as sisters.
WEARING EARRINGS
We understand – it was a turbulent time in your youth and you wanted to impress that girl. It’s time to let those holes close over though and be a proper gentleman.
COMPUTER GAME MARATHONS
Although it increasingly seems to be acceptable for adults of all ages to play video games – it really isn’t. An occasional game of FIFA is just about acceptable though.
BEING A LAYABOUT
You need to have job in your mid-twenties, being a perennial intern or not having any sort of employment at all is simply not good enough.
WEARING CAPS
Baseball caps with the Yankees emblem are for teenagers and bald men who are having a mid-life crisis – they’re not for self-respecting young men in their mid-twenties.
GETTING INTO FIGHTS
Brawling was part and parcel of being a young man but when you get a bit older your testosterone levels should (hopefully) be reduced by quite a bit.
EATING PACKET MEALS
That was all you ate for three years and that should be enough to put you off Costcutter’s Chicken Tikka Masala for life – cook and eat healthily!
NOT HAVING A DRIVING LICENCE
Some of us never got round to getting our licence when we were at school or university – but this is something you need to fix, even if you live in a city like London or New York.
NOT EXERCISING
When you’re in your mid-twenties your body begins to catch up with you and you can’t get away with not exercising. Be sure to get a gym membership or go on regular jogs.
GOING ON SPENDING BINGES
In the days of yore, spending all your student loan in one go and then borrowing from your parents for months was the done thing, these days with rent etc you need to wise up with your finances.
OWNING CONVERSE
They sum up the lifestyle of every teenager and epitomise post-war Western culture. Unfortunately they are for the young and free – and you need to adapt to adulthood…
