10 things she wants you to know about her

There are certain things in life that should be etched into the memory of every boyfriend and husband – or so the three ladies who sit opposite me in the office repeatedly say. Like a wasp at a picnic I swat these comments aside – being single, they are as useful to me as a chocolate teapot. Until today, however, when in a moment of weakness I enquired as to what these may be. So gentlemen, kindly giving a helping hand where I can, here are the 10 things she wants you to know about her…

1. The date of her birthday, “It’s a given that you should know – it really shouldn’t need an explanation as to why.”

2. The date of your wedding anniversary/the day you decided to make your relationship official, “Same as above. If you have to ask, you’ll never know.”

3. Her favourite drink, “Because there’s something insanely comforting, not least flattering, about arriving at the bar to find that your significant other (however serious) has already ordered your drink – the right drink. It’s got something about that old school masculinity about it.”

4. Underwear size, “So that when you surprise us with underwear (which you should do at least once in a relationship) you don’t insult us by buying too big, or embarrass us by buying too small. If you don’t know, then check a label when we’re in the shower – it’s not rocket science.”

5. Her favourite flowers, “It’s just romantic as hell to know that you not only went to the effort of buying them for us, but you actually know what our favourites are.”

6. The fragrance she wears, “A signature scent is about as personal as it gets for a woman. It makes us feel adored that you know little things like this. Plus it means next time you’re at duty free you can pick us up a bottle without having to text to ask which it is we always wear.”

7. Her mobile number (apparently), “We want you to know this for stupid female hypothetical reasons that will probably never happen, but our irrational minds make us think that maybe one day they will and knowing our mobile number will solve this hypothetical, emotional crisis. Eg: you will be in serious, life-threatening danger and need urgently to call us, but your phone is out of battery and you have no other way of getting through to us but by using a pay-phone and to do this you must know our number by heart. We know it’s unlikely, but we still want you to know it.”

8. Her favourite restaurant, “We will have mentioned this to you on numerous occasions and as much as we like the sound of our voices, it’s not just for that reason. We tell you so that when we get that big promotion at work, need a pick-me-up after a rough few days or you just feel like doing something sweet and sentimental you can book a table for two without having to ask us where we want to go.”

9. Her dislikes, “Nothing sends a woman more mad than being offered something she doesn’t like. If we have an irrational fear of ET, don’t ask us if we feel like watching it next sunday. If we’re allergic to wine, don’t show up to our house with a bottle of the finest red. These are just things you should know – what we dislike is as important as what we don’t like.”

10. How to make her smile, “Crap day at work, family crisis, bad mood for no apparent nor rational reason? The man who knows how to make us smile (even better laugh) against all the odds is the man we want to be with. Be that man.”