5 ways to instantly command more respect
Every man to walk the earth has desired some form of respect. Some have commanded it; others, less inspiring, have demanded it. To understand the difference, we can turn to the trusty Oxford Dictionary:
Respect – a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
Genuine respect is brought about as a result of what a person can do, how they behave and what they have done. Offered up voluntarily, it is our way of showing approval, of deeming a person worthy of admiration. To demand respect, on the other hand, is to have to insist upon it – irrespective of whether it has been earned. History is littered with the downfall of men who propped up their power with demanded respect. More often than not, they tend to find mutineers waiting to spring from every corner.
1. Pursue your ideals
Mahatma Ghandi, whose idealism helped bring about an independent India. Image: AP
The man who allows himself to be tugged this way and that by every teasing current – especially to expand his lot at the expense of others – sacrifices his self-respect in the process. He may end up disillusioned, or worse, guilty. Conversely, almost all positive success – be it in the pursuit of art, literature, business or sport – requires commitment to ideals. He who pursues a goal while staying faithful to his ideals will likely find it to be one of the most compelling, challenging and fulfilling experiences of all. Moreover, it is one of the most valued in society, and deemed worthy of great respect.
2. Respect yourself
A man of high-aspirations, Muhammad Ali evidenced a great deal of self-respect. Image: Getty
“I cannot conceive of a greater loss than the loss of one’s self-respect” – Mahatma Gandhi.
A man with a deep understanding of human nature, Ghandi knew that guilt could be a terrible thing. A suffocating force that seeps in to every corner of a man’s being, it arises when we compromise not only the standards set by society, but those once set by ourselves. Consequently, a gentleman should take time to recognise and then articulate his value, knowing that he has something to offer to the world. While saccharine quotes about ‘loving oneself’ tend to get tossed around a little lightly, it is true that he cannot begin to earn respect if he doesn’t first show it to himself.
3. Learn to listen.
Be more Sherlock: active listening can lead to real insight. Image: Getty
Listening is one of most undervalued traits of all. This is perhaps little surprising: the modern world makes enormous demands on the mind, which is assailed by a multitude of forces, all of them competing for our attention at any one time. As a response, we sometimes begin to see and hear passively, entering a form of autopilot as our senses become fatigued. Yet this is only half the story. Almost all of us can admit to focusing too much on what we say ourselves, continually preparing our rebuttal or preparing our story while someone is speaking to us, thus only half perceiving what is said. This is problematic, because to understand and to want to be understood are two fundamental human desires, neither of which can be achieved without attentive listening. If a gentleman can recognise this, he can be said to be emotionally intelligent, a trait that inspires respect. Moreover, to truly listen is to pick up on subtleties, which can lead to moments of great insight.
4. Controlling emotion
James Bond: Exercising control, Bond leaves the tirades to the villain. Image: Eon
Emotion dominates our lives. Inescapably powerful, it is often the driving force behind any human endeavour. But while outright repression of emotion is unhealthy, giving in to continual outbursts can likewise be draining, repellant or downright exasperating for others. Consequently, society has long valued a healthy a level of self control, something made obvious by the protagonists of films. Notice that James Bond, though at times angry, never launches in to a tirade or throws furniture across the room. That sort of explosive behaviour is instead the province of the villain, whose mannerisms are designed to inspire distrust and dislike. Bond’s is a more silent, steely response; he expresses emotion in purposeful action. Mildly psychopathic, Bond is of course not be emulated outright, but his popularity with audiences demonstrates that certain aspects of his character inspire respect.
5. Recognise that this is an unending pursuit
“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” – Albert Einstein. Image: pbs.org
The path to respect is infinitely long, always disappearing beyond the next bend. The front pages of newspapers are full of those who felt that they had achieved respect, and seeing the process as complete, had compromised on their ideals and found it lost in a moment. A man who believes himself to be beyond accountability is setting himself up for a sharp fall. Instead, he should view the process as a lifelong pursuit of knowledge, self-growth and self-respect – an idea illustrated by a singularly intelligent gentleman:
“More the knowledge lesser the Ego, lesser the knowledge more the Ego.” – Albert Einstein
Main image: Getty
Become a Gentleman’s Journal Member?
Like the Gentleman’s Journal? Why not join the Clubhouse, a special kind of private club where members receive offers and experiences from hand-picked, premium brands. You will also receive invites to exclusive events, the quarterly print magazine delivered directly to your door and your own membership card.
