It’s 2016. So why do men still have to make the first move?
Words: Tabi Jackson Gee
Gentlemen, it’s a leap year. Which means that today, for the first time in 4 years, for 24 hours only, women are allowed to propose to their boyfriends. And according to recent figures 150,000 are going to do so. And according to other recent figures 94% of unmarried men think it’s ‘okay’ for this to happen.
I don’t know about you, but I find these figures rather alarming.
Firstly, because it’s 2016 and I am not entirely sure if anyone knows why, in an age that’s all about equal rights and opportunity, men are still expected to make the first move. Secondly, I could count the number of my girlfriends who would ever even dream about asking a guy out on one hand. And my friends are all forward-thinking, ambitious feminists. It seems there’s a bit of an expectation gap.
So how has this happened? How do so many men think it’s ok for women to ask them out, but so many women are still afraid to do so? I called upon some of my 20-something male and female friends to find the cause of this communication breakdown…
This feminist just wants everyone to do what feels right
Women should make the first move if they want to
“For me, it’s quite simple. I personally advocate women making the first move if it feels like the right thing to do. In the past, there were guys who I was certainly interested in and wanted to approach, but didn’t through fear of rejection, or appearing a little ‘desperate’. I think that if a woman wants to attract a man who values an opinionated female, who pursues what or whom she desires, then making the first move is very acceptable. If a man is repelled by such confidence, I would argue that the pair weren’t well-matched.”
This doesn’t mean you have to call off the chase
“I’m certainly not condemning the more traditional ‘chase’, as there is definitely something to be said for it. However, making the first move doesn’t necessarily eliminate this aspect, it has merely conveyed an interest of some capacity. From there, it can progress in many different ways.”
You can learn a lot about a man from how he reacts
“I once asked a guy for a drink, because I became impatient with the cryptic flirtation that we were engaging in, and it was very well received. We went on several dates, and had a great time. Both times I have done it, I found the experience very refreshing. If they like you, they’ll go on a date with you; if they don’t, the worst they can say is no, then you move on. If you can’t, and it makes you feel better, you can psychoanalyse the hell out of the situation, and put it down to some deep-rooted repression stemming from a poor relationship with his mother.”
This girl thinks that asking for what you want comes with age
Girls aren’t used to making the first move, so they just need practice
“Girls should totally make the first move – and I always, always encourage everyone to text first or go for it, but then I never follow up with my own advice. I’ll sit around and wait and wonder why nothing has happened – totally forgetting that as well as not making the first move in any way, I’m also not giving off a very receptive vibe and basically giving nothing away. Which is silly. At my age (26), you suddenly become a lot more comfortable to go for something more because you realise there really is nothing to worry about. It’s just the fear of the unknown at first!”
We hold back from making the first move because we’re more scared of rejection
“If I’ve ever ‘turned someone down’ or not gone for a drink, I’ve then worried after that I was really mean and that I was harsh and should have gone. That’s also totally ridiculous. Because girls generally worry more about the aftermath – that’s why we hold back from making the first move. The guys I said no to probably thought about it for 5 minutes and then that was that.”
This chap is frustrated at ‘the rules’
There shouldn’t be any rules about who asks who out
“I would love a girl that I liked to ask me out. It’s nothing to do with ‘I want to be the alpha male’ or me wanting to be the dominating one. I think you’d feel pretty special if a girl came up to you and asked you out, as you would if you were a girl and a guy came up to you and asked you out. It’s the same both ways.”
My girlfriend I almost never went out because she didn’t tell me how she felt
“When I asked my ex out she said ‘thank god I’ve been wanting you to ask me out for ages.’ It took me so long to figure out she liked me and I so nearly never asked her out because I wasn’t sure if she liked me or not. Something so nearly never happened!”
Girls need to up their game, says this gentleman
Girls can’t just sit there and wait for things to come to them
“I think that girls are now so much punchier but they still aren’t prepared to make the first move. In theory, I think girls should be able to ask a guy out… I think the world’s a messed up place. I think the birds and the bees have got to get on the same parallel.”
Take it back to the old school
“As everyone gets older they get more prude and they get more scared about being single. There’s no real buzz around it anymore. I’m single and lots of my friends aren’t which is hard too, because I don’t have a wingman anymore. In the famous words of David Attenborough: one wolf generally never hunts down a pack on its own.”
(Images: Pinterest)
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