7 simple rules of being a successful online dater

Put the aubergine emoji away, keep things honest, and save the complaining for the fourth date

Summer is on its way – and with it, almost inevitably, comes a willingness to head to the gym, an appetite to dress better, and a surge in dating-app downloads. The winter parkas are shed, and the skin is all there to bare. Yet, the world of digital courting is a complex minefield nowadays, and the choice of platforms is seemingly endless – so, our advice is to stick to a few simple, easy-to-follow rules that’ll help you navigate this space without losing your dignity.

1. Tell the whole truth

There are myriad reports that say a good proportion of dating-app users lie about their appearance in their profile. Users also lie about their jobs, their pets, their salary, their love for rom-coms and The White Lotus (even though they’ve never seen it). However, the subject of your affection will find out eventually. We say don’t bother with spin – the truth can’t be that bad, and lying gets things off on the wrong foot.

2. Apps are for single people (or those in an open relationship)

We’ve heard countless nightmare stories about our friends having gone on Tinder dates to eventually discover that the person they’ve been talking to has in fact got a partner. A waste of everyone’s time – so, if you’re already in a relationship (and one based around monogamy), the same principle of rule #1 applies here: the truth will always come out.

3. Don’t make up elaborate stories, they just make you seem odd

Our friend Regina once had a guy open with, ‘PHEW’ – and then continued to tell her that he had just survived a crash landing on a Ryanair flight from Amsterdam while sat next to Jacob Rees-Mogg. We’re still presuming this is a lie, and a bad one at that, and it’ll just make the receiver of the message ignore you. It’s a bit like the online equivalent of the odd bloke on the bus trying to strike up conversation.

4. Lazy pick-up lines make you look lazy

This should be a capital offence in the world of online dating. Here’s a shortlist of some clangers we’ve read in the past: hey sex kitten; you look sexy; sexy smile; too hot to touch; are you salt? because you’re sodium fine. And hold off on the emojis – a man who knows how to use his words properly is far more attractive than one who overuses the aubergine and the peach.

5. Don’t use dating apps as a platform to complain about your long day at work

You wish your weekend was longer? Your day has been a struggle because your weekend was so reckless? You’re tired? The ex is threatening to take custody of your Huey Lewis collection? You may be able to get away with this basic level of small talk while you’re making tea with Tim from accounts, but it is not going to snag you a date. In general, perhaps keep the oversharing to the third or fourth date.

6. Be a bit creative

Here are a few pointers – they’re mainly angled for a first date, but a few can be applied in this scenario, too. Try, What’s the worst chat-up line you’ve ever heard? It keeps things light-hearted and can open up a can of worms – and not at your expense.