Before we begin, if you’re really, really attached to your flip-flops, you should probably click away now. Because, although we appreciate the ease and comfort of a pair of mandals (that’s ‘man-sandals’ for those of you behind the curve) we simply can’t abide them when we’ve got our sartorial heads screwed on.
Don’t get us wrong, when it’s hot and humid, life can be hard. Public transport in big cities is nothing short of hell on earth and, even out in the countryside, the lack of breeze and beating sun can feel stifling. But never should these trials of temperature be compensated in the form of a flip-flop.
For starters, just look at the name. Flip-flop. It even sounds ridiculous. Known colloquially as ‘thongs’ in Australia, this antipodean nickname should be the funniest thing about the footwear. But, given their spectacularly unstylish reputation, it’s probably amongst the sexiest. Which is saying something.
Again turning to their name, perhaps flips were so named because they’re such a complete and utter flop. A sorry excuse for footwear, they offer no support, no protection to speak of, and definitely no style. That said, they do have their place.
On the beach, or by the pool – places where you’ll want to kick off your kicks quickly – flip-flops are close to the perfect choice. But on the tube, or walking down a high street or, heaven forbid, the office? It doesn’t flippin’ bear thinking about. And the same can be said for the airport. You may be on your way to the fantastic beaches of some far-flung tropical land, but there’ll be no sea and sand in the departures lounge of Heathrow. Keep them packed.
Perhaps flips were so named because they’re such a complete and utter flop...
But our main problem, above all the posture-disrupting and style-compromising negatives of flip-flops, it how extremely ungentlemanly it is to force your bare foot onto the world, and expose your toes to the public against their will. Would you pop your speedos on anywhere but the beach? We should certainly hope not – so approach flip-flops exactly the same way.
There are many stylish alternatives to the much-maligned flip-flop. Even a slider is better – although this, too, should still be reserved for poolside pottering.
Top designers are releasing acceptable sandals all over the place, there are light sneakers on the market and an espadrille is surprisingly airy whilst not sacrificing sartorial swagger. Mr Porter has a whole section dedicated to summer shoes – just to help you avoid flip-flops.
So take heed, gents. Throw out your ‘thongs’ and invest in a pair of the best summer shoes you can buy. Because, and we can’t stress this enough, there is nothing less tip-top than a flip-flop…
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