“She looked absolutely nothing like her photos,” proclaimed one of my oldest friends this morning, reflecting on his date last night, set up via one of the many dating apps that allow busy (or testosterone-fuelled) singletons to swipe left or right until their heart’s content.
This is the issue with online dating: you meet a digital version of someone who is able to tailor his or her appearance. Suddenly everyone is an ‘athletic build’, 5’11” becomes 6’2” and our hobbies – according to our five carefully selected pictures – are wine tasting, skydiving, festivals, travelling and psychedelic adventure. It’s understandable – girls aren’t attracted to pictures of blurry-eyed men in their local boozer downing a pint of Stella while holding a handful of peanuts, or sat at work in a cheap suit looking suicidal at the thought of having to start another Excel spreadsheet on your dual computer screen.
So, rather than being a lacklustre employee of the mundane 9-5, we’re adventurers who save the planet one orphan at a time, swim with the cast of Finding Nemo in warm waters with the clarity of gin, bathe with elephants in Indonesia and quaff champagne while watching the sun melt into the Mediterranean. No wonder the likes of Tinder, Happn, Hinge and Bumble have sent the STI level amongst the sexually active through the roof.
But there’s a but, a big but. This freedom to elaborate and embellish can land us in hot water. I’m sure we’ve all experienced it… the nervous meeting when you’re praying she is what you have built her up to be. She is inevitably doing the same. But when you see her from across the bar, her face says it all – disappointment. Or you give away your dismissal with a simple expression – she knows. She isn’t a jet-set wine connoisseur who darts off to Tuscany every Tuesday to advise vineyard owners, and suddenly you aren’t the tall, lean, tanned maverick that your profile portrayed. This, gentlemen, is bloody awkward.
We’ve all been on awkward dates – not just through apps, but this seems to be the primary cause – when the conversation just doesn’t click, the drinks are rushed, you’re as fidgety as a toddler with nits and in the space of three minutes you’ve already thought of 59 other places you’d rather be. Brushing your granny’s teeth is 58th on the list.
More often than not, when a date is going badly it is very apparent for both sides. Something has to be done. This, gentlemen, is how you get out of an awkward first date…
HONESTY
As we often preach here at The Gentleman’s Journal, honesty is the key to most situations. But obviously is must be used with caution. “You look like a bag of potatoes in comparison to your photos and I’m just not in the slightest bit interested,” is rude not honest. Try, “it’s been lovely to meet you but shall we call it an evening?” Or something to that effect. Choose your timing – not just as she has a full drink. She should welcome the opportunity to make for the door as well.
Offer to get her a taxi home to end the night on a gentlemanly note.
A SUBTLE EXCUSE
Now this immediately comes with murky waters, and goes against the gentlemanly commandments of lying. But if done subtly, and I mean subtly, it can be a way of exiting a situation without hurting anyone’s feelings.
Eg: your housemate has locked himself out.
PRE-PLAN YOUR GET OUT BEFOREHAND
If unsure prior to the date, rather than make an excuse when face-to-face with plenty of time to watch her take offence, why not drop in a loose plan beforehand about something you have to do later that evening? Such is the way with online dating, we have the benefit of texting before meeting up, so why not say you have drinks with friends later that evening, you’re catching a late train home at 9.30ish, or have an early start so can’t have a big one? This way, if it’s not going well you have an easy exit strategy that is insult free and discreet, or – if going well – a plan you can easily ‘cancel’ on and stay for longer.
(Main photo: Pinterest)
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