The best tax havens to store that spare cash

The bloody British media have gone and done it again, ruining all the fun. First you think your retirement fund is safe having handed over that totally above board retainer to Mossack Fonseca, and then someone goes and dumps 2.6 terabytes of data with your accounts all over it. The next thing you know, they want to dig up David Cameron’s late father, your best mate Sigmundur Gunnlaugsson has resigned as PM of Iceland and your money laundering ring with Putin’s confidante’s cousin has just been exposed to millions of eyeballs, who let’s face it, don’t really know what their looking at – but they’re still outraged because the BBC has told them they should be.

So that little offshore account essentially needs a new home. But good heavens you’re not paying tax on it, it’s your money, you earned it and those good-for-nothing layabouts aren’t getting a penny of it. An ISA from HSBC just isn’t going to cut the mustard. So where do you put it? Well gents, these are the tax havens we recommend for stashing some cash and taking a little weekend break whilst you’re at it.

Lewis Hamilton has the right idea, move yourself to Monaco where, if the principality is your primary residence, you’re not charged a single Euro of income tax. Then you can take delivery of private jets all you want, swan around in culturally appropriated garb when you have to make a business trip to Bahrain and even get an MBE for your efforts. Aside from those perks, you’ve got the Grand Prix, the yachts and a beautiful city to gawp at whilst sipping neighbouring regions’ champagne by the barrel.

(Image: Paolo Woods and Gabriele Galimberti/INSTITUTE)

It’s usually cited in the left bearing press as the tax haven to beat all tax havens, but beware Cayman laws will require professional help to negotiate before you start setting up shell companies like they’re going out of fashion. Once that’s all said and done (we don’t recommend Mossack Fonseca as your law firm of choice though) you’re laughing all the way to the bank – literally.

Outside of those glorious tax avoiding benefits, you can occupy your time on the island sunning on the peerless beaches, scuba diving and deep-sea fishing, all whilst the suits get to work organising your assets.

(Image: Bermuda Online)

Bermuda has got some tasty laws for that ‘tax planning’ you’re looking into; there’s a reason Google shifted a subsidiary of the company there 5 years ago. The island levies none to little corporate tax and it’s potentially illegal for banks to disclose identities of investors to third parties – so you can keep your brother-in-law’s Christmas bonuses for the last decade safe there, too.

The capital Hamilton, is, as expected, a font of luxury and exuberance all rooted in a serene old school façade and a stunning harbour to both enjoy the vista and park the yacht. Then you’ve got the pink sand beaches, the crystal waters and faultless climate (bar the odd hurricane) to cook up some fun.

(Main image: Phantom International)