Unless you’re one of the lucky few who’s managed to avoid the Tube – perhaps you’ve inherited the family chauffeur, or maybe you just stay within the SW3 bubble – then you’ll know of the moshpit on the Victoria/Piccadilly/Northern et al. line come rush hour, morning and afternoon. Faces pressed against backs; the build-up of commuter condensation; the inevitable breaking of the faulty track lights. It’s a game of mind over matter, rather than a way to and from the office. (It must be noted that this experience is not limited to London – similar occurrences are common on the New York subway, the metro in Barcelona, and the like.)

Los modales en estos sistemas de transporte son una mezcla de resignación, frustración y agresividad pasiva; pero, para quienes aún creen que el civismo sigue muy presente en los gestos cotidianos, basta con intentar seguir estas sencillas reglas la próxima vez que pasen la tarjeta para entrar...

The cardinal sin of Tube travel is ruffling about for your wallet, stopping, then waiting for the barriers to close before swiping your own card. There’s no need; prepare in advance and know that you can enter even with the gateways still open. Lingering is not the modus operandi of the everyday Londoner, so get your Natwest/Monzo/Oyster ready with plenty of time, let the person ahead through, and tap in approximately one second after, leading with your tapping arm (moving your body ahead of the tap motion will cause delays due to sensors).

Aquí es cuando los británicos pasivo-agresivos pierden de verdad los papeles: puedes esperar todo tipo de improperios, pullas veladas y miradas fulminantes mientras te apartan de un empujón para pasar por este lado de la escalera reservado para caminar. Si tienes dudas, fíjate en la gente que va delante y ponte en la fila.

It never astounds us the number of times we see people struggling up broken escalators with heavy, ripping-at-the-seams suitcases and everyone just runs on past them. If time allows, lend a hand and some muscle. The same applies to parents with buggies.

A true gent (if he can) should stand up for any woman on the Tube, regardless of her age, level of pregnancy, etc. He should probably also stand for any older men – and while we’re at it, parents with young kids, people with heavy bags and anyone who seems to have sustained an injury of any kind (sprained wrists and broken thumbs included) should also be treated this way.

Despite how many times it’s blasted over the speakers at rush hour, people still seem to forget this commuting fundamental. We know, the ends of each carriage are preferable (the seats are glorious thrones, too, but that goes without saying), but a smoother ride for all comprises you – if needed – moving down into the aisle, even if that means the unsavoury act of holding onto the handles. Similarly, backpacks must always be held at the side; clanging around with your turtleshell is bad, distasteful form.

Los sándwiches fríos, aceptables. Las barritas de proteínas y cereales, sin problema. Hoy en día todo el mundo toma Huel, así que nos parece bien, sobre todo porque viene en botella. ¿Un kebab del local de la esquina? ¿Un Whopper? ¿Una caja de Leon? Ni hablar.

Did everyone forget the pandemic? Regardless of how far you are to the next person, and even if you don’t think you’re ill, cover those coughs.

We love Wretch 32. We love 1990s shoegaze. Stevie Wonder is phenomenal. Bob Dylan – big thumbs up. But we don’t want to hear any of it from your tinny phone speakers. (If needing some assistance, try our headphones roundup…)

When trying to zone out from the day, stare at shoes. For all other staring, keep it for the evening Netflix binge. Everyone’s already uncomfortable enough.

And, finally, do not be that guy. If you’re on the Victoria line, just wait that extra two minutes for the next arrival. If anywhere else, just wish yourself good luck. Delays are part of the journey (didn’t Anthony Bourdain say something like that?); we’re sure your chauffeured boss will understand…

¿Quieres más consejos de etiqueta? Así se domina el arte de dar la mano…