Ah, St Patrick’s Day. Once again, we’ve come to the end of the rainbow and discovered the pot of gold that is March 17. But what are your plans? To celebrate quietly and respectfully? Or do you intend to get up to the dulcet tones of The Dubliners, thrown on your greenest clothes and then jig for the bus whilst munching on a potato farl?
Wake up and smell the Baileys, gentlemen. St Patrick’s Day is a national cultural celebration, not an excuse for you – and your purported ‘one-eighth Irish ancestry’ – to get so Pierce-Brosnanned that you can’t even remember your own name.
But, with this the first St Patrick’s Day to fall on a Friday since 2006, we suspect that token Irishmen and opportunistic party animals will be leaping out of work and onto the good craic bandwagon quicker than you can say ‘Oh, Danny Boy’.
So how can you ensure that you walk the line? We’re here to ensure that you have a good time without shamrocking the boat, and enjoy your Hibernian hijinks without fuss or friction.
As readily as our cousins across the pond seize St Patrick’s Day as an opportunity to dress up, today is not intended as a celebration of your most garishly green garb. Nor are its religious origins an excuse to break out the dog collar and priest jokes.
Instead, sparingly sprinkle the colour green throughout your get-up, adding hints and accessories in the hue rather than pulling on a pair of emerald trousers or a chartreuse shirt. Go for a subtly-patterned tie, a pocket square, or even a pair of green socks to really keep your celebrations to yourself.
There’s no getting away from the fact that drinking is a huge part of St Patrick’s Day. But, despite bars offering bargains on booze and Irish pubs being rammed to the rafters with pickled patrons, there is nothing remotely respectful or patriotic about getting drunk on large quantities of terrible lager.
Instead, use this day as an opportunity to try some of Ireland’s rarer offerings. Rather than quaffing pint upon pint of Guinness stout, seek out some of the iconic brewery’s less well-known bottles – from their Dublin Porter to their Rye Pale Ale. And the same goes for whiskey. We’ve all tried Jameson’s and Bushmills’ run-of-the-mill spirits, but dabble with the former’s Caskmates expression and the latter’s Black Bush variation and your St Patrick’s Day celebrations will graduate from just another booze-up to a cultured and curated tasting evening.
Look, if we all followed our family trees back far enough, there’d likely be some Celtic connection. But, rather than hurriedly subscribing to ancestry.com to justify that seventh pint of Guinness, or banging on all night about how you took a city break to Dublin to visit the brewery once, just sit back and enjoy the evening.
The Irish are a fun-loving bunch, so they’re not going to out you as an impostor or take issue with you celebrating their beloved country and culture. What will get their backs up, however, is you playing up some vague link to their motherland. Because nobody likes a ‘Plastic Paddy’.
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