5 real reasons why you’re actually still single
I recently turned 25. It was a big moment for me, mainly because when I turned 21 I specifically remember waking up, crying (it’s this really cute and rational thing I do on every birthday for absolutely no logical reason whatsoever) and thinking to myself, well I may feel old as hell right now, but at least I’m not 25. Because that, well that’s really old.
So in that typical ‘oh the arrogance of youth’ way, the next 4 years of my life were spent running around London, going out too much and too late, drinking too heavily, eating crap, not exercising and dating highly inappropriate men who were either too old, too immature or well, too already in another relationship. Long story short, I find myself on the eve of my 25th birthday, standing barefoot in a pizza joint in the Caribbean telling an old male friend why I was dreading the big day. “Aren’t you excited about it, you’ll be closer to 30 than 20 – you’ll be a proper, official grown up.” No. I was not excited. “I just sort of thought that I’d have my life a bit more together, you know?” I told him. “Like I thought I might have learned how to budget, to live within my monthly pay check rather than blow the whole lot on one pair of shoes, thought I might have learned how to say no to going out until sunrise on a Thursday, I thought I might actually own my own place by now and I certainly, almost categorically, thought that I’d be in a relationship, a serious one at that.”
My point wasn’t – although it may seem like it – that I was sad and desperate about being single, I actually rather enjoy it and until I’ve got most of the above sorted I’m in no rush to get into one, but the point I’m getting at is why so many of us (seemingly perfectly dateable) people are actually single. So, let’s take a moment to look at ourselves (as hard hitting as it may be) and find out some real reasons for why you’re still single…
1. YOUR STANDARDS ARE TOO HIGH
Let’s cut the crap here gents, one of the main reasons for single men and women all over the country is because of this quite simple reason. YOUR. STANDARDS. ARE. TOO. HIGH. You may be good looking, be in great shape, drive a cool car and earn £100k a year after tax, but maybe you’re actually a bit of a dick, ever thought about that? Or maybe you have a weird left eye twitch thing going on that no one’s ever had the courage to point out to you because, well don’t forget, you’re actually a bit of a dick. Long story short, you may think you look great on paper (as so many of us delude ourselves into thinking) – a solid 8.5 let’s say – and thus think you deserve a serious 9 out of 10 woman, but the fact is your standards are just way too high. Take a second, re-evaluate and drop those standards a point or two.
2. YOU UNKNOWINGLY REPEL COMMITMENT
You might think it’s attractive and cool in a sort of nouveaux-bohemian way that you’ve never stayed in a job more than a year, have lived in more countries, cities and homes in the last few years than most people do in their lifetimes, but it actually just screams in giant letters: “I CAN’T COMMIT TO ANYTHING, LEAST OF ALL A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU”. To literally every woman you ever go on a date with.
3. YOU’RE SCARED OF LOSING INDEPENDENCE
Some people avoid committing to relationships because they’re having a lot of fun being free and single. Other people have a genuine underlying fear of losing said independence. News flash to the latter: human beings are genetically predetermined to depend on someone other than themselves (i.e. a mate), so if your fear of losing your independence is so crippling you can’t bear to settle down then fear not – play the field, enjoy yourself and wait for that inherent instinct to kick in naturally in time.
4. YOU’RE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE
“He’s clearly emotionally unavailable” is a line that woman the world over have used as an excuse for explaining why their relationship isn’t going anywhere. The sad, but honest truth, is that actually this is code for “he’s just not that into you”. There is, however, a large proportion of the population that are genuinely emotionally unavailable – this usually comes across in the form of displays of selfishness and arrogance. My advice to anyone dating anyone that is actually emotionally unavailable will always be: stay the hell away. So maybe it’s time to work out if this is something you’re suffering from. Don’t ask me how to get over this though, aside from the strong chance of being a fellow sufferer, I think that’s probably a job for a professional.
5. YOU’RE MORE INTERESTED IN THE ‘GYM/YOUR MUSIC/ANY OTHER HOBBY THAT WOMEN FIND DESPERATELY DULL’ THAN YOU ARE FORGING A TRUE RELATIONSHIP
My last relationship (if you can call it that) was with an architect who, at the ripe old age of 30, still thought he had a chance in hell of making it as international house DJ. Our ‘dates’ would involve sitting in my living room into the early hours of the morning as he played his music and went on about his hopes and dreams of “making it”. I am all for people following their dreams, but I’m also really into people being realistic (i.e. probably best to focus on drawing your houses and yachts and stuff and leave the decks to the 21 year olds). I’m also really into interesting conversations rather than hearing the same monologue at 3am every Saturday. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a good hobby and being passionate, but if there’s a chance that your hobby is jeopardising your relationship status, it might be time to ease off. Same goes for sportsmen who can’t “do dates on weekends” because of their games and gym-fanatics who can’t eat out in restaurants or drink because their counting the K-cals. (This is in no way a dig at the last three men I’ve dated. Honest.)
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