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The 7 golden rules of being a successful online dater

Gentlemen, have you ever heard of a ‘love surge’ before? Wait, no, not that – before your brain goes to the gutter, let me explain. That delightful phrase describes exactly what is happening right this very instance, all over the world, as single men and women start feeling lonely and dating apps see an huge increase in downloads. That, gentlemen, is a ‘love surge’.

If you’re one of these merry men who’s hoping to get a big date for the weekend, or if all the romance in the air has given you the nudge you needed to get you back in the dating game, I’m here to help.

Here’s how to get a date on Tinder/Happn/Hinge, without losing all your dignity…

1. Tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth

According to a recent report, over half of Brits lie about their appearance in their online dating profiles. Other things people lie about: their jobs, their pets, their salary… But you know what? The object of your affection will find out eventually. I say: don’t bother. The truth can’t be that bad. Apart from if you’re in a relationship, which leads me too…

2. Remember: Tinder, etc. are for single people

I can’t tell you how many of my friends have gone on Tinder dates and discovered the guy they’ve wasted a week of their data flirting with has in fact got a long-term girlfriend. It’s a waste of everyone’s time. Next.

3. Don’t make up elaborate stories, they just make you seem odd

My friend Susie once had a guy open with: ‘PHEW’ – and then continued to tell her that he had just survived a crash landing on an Easyjet flight from Amsterdam. We’re still presuming this is a lie, and a bad one at that.

4. Lazy pick up lines make you look lazy too

This should be a capital offence in the world of online dating. It’s just not OK to use pick up lines like: hey sex kitten / you look sexy / sexy smile / too hot to touch / I think you and I would look good together / you are such a babe. And hold off on the emojis – a man who knows how to use his words properly is far more attractive than one who overuses the winky face.

5. Don’t use dating apps as a platform to complain about your long day at work

You wish your weekend was longer. Your day has been a struggle because your weekend was so busy. You’re tired. You’re counting down the days until it’s Friday again… You may be able to get away with this basic level of small talk while you’re making tea with John from Accounts, but it is not going to get you a date.

6. Be a bit creative, gentlemen

Some of the funniest openers I’ve heard of have been innocent ‘would you rathers’. These are fresh and innovative ways into a conversation. Susie says: “Someone asked me if I was a ‘cat or dog’ person, another what my favourite genre of food was. These are an excellent platform from which sparks can fly.”

7. No d**k pics.

That is all.

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