Why a gentleman isn’t afraid to let her pick up the bill

Bear with me a second, I’m going to go a little off-piste here, opposite the editorial page a tiny bit, a little outside the lines, if you will.

You’ll often find us waxing the old school canons of chivalry – let her walk on the inside of the pavement, helping with her bag, so on and so forth. Rightly so, these are frankly just good, decent things to do — despite the patriarchal origins. It’s also essential to note that we’re living in a fourth wave world, it’s 2016 and hopefully by now you’ve twigged that women are not precious little creatures that need to be taken in, looked after, supported financially etc. Chivalry, as we know it in 2016, is good manners, not a case of reinforcing some synthetic apparition of higher societal standing.

If you still believe this, you’re deluded. Women are not inferior, or superior, to yourself — they just happen to have a slightly different biological make up, but sociologically, are entirely your equal. A gender pay gap still exists, but that doesn’t mean that women can’t take care or afford to take care of themselves. In fact, there’s a strong chance she’s earning more than you, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this – no, it’s not emasculating, threatening, or some other rubbish.

So when the restaurant staff put the bill in my hand, despite the lady opposite me being the one who’s asked for it and has her wallet out, whilst I’ve sat there entirely passive, it’s a little insulting to her.

I have no absolutely no misgivings about letting her take care of the financials, or splitting it and forking over my fair share. Of course, had I invited her to dinner, I’d happily take the bill — there shouldn’t be any expectation though, that whatever the situation, it’s my credit card that gets a little bit more worn out.

When after a first, second or third date, your lady friend offers to split the bill though, by all means take this seriously. If she insists at your first or second polite declination, let her go Dutch. There’s a reason she wants to be partially responsible for settling the charges: whether that’s so she doesn’t feel like she owes you anything as she has no intention of taking the relationship further, or because, simply, she wants to pay for her meal. You shouldn’t deny her that, it’d be ungentlemanly to do so.

What I’m trying to get at here, whilst it’s all well to want to treat her, the intentions behind it count for more when it comes to being the modern day definition of gentleman. Don’t pick up the tab out of some sense of instilled archaic duty and when she wants to split or pay for it, don’t get taken a back and refuse under all circumstances to let her split it either. A gentleman, in today’s day and age, shouldn’t be afraid, embarrassed or uneasy about letting her settle the bill, end of.

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