Even the most well-mannered gentlemen in the world screw up from time-to-time – shocker, I know. And while that permanent halo around your head may make you think otherwise, if you’re reading this article it’s more than likely that you’ve screwed up. Stereotype this may be, but a lot of gentlemen have quite a hard time actually coming to terms with the fact that they’ve done something that warrants an apology, let alone knowing how to deliver said apology. So if you’ve done something that needs fixing with the right kind of apology, look no further.
Know when it’s time
Get this right, and you’re half way there to delivering the right apology. Leaving it too long will only result in the person deserving of the apology having more time to think about what you’ve done, which will likely end up with them more angry than they were in the first place. Equally, deliver too early and you might catch the recipient off guard and still reeling from the argument, so you don’t want to awake the beast unnecessarily. A day is the absolute longest you should leave it, and an hour is the least.
Do it face-to-face
Unless your argument actually happened over email or text, there’s absolutely no excuse for not manning up and apologising to someone’s face. You’ll instantly command more respect, your apology will be taken more seriously and you’re much less likely to open yourself up to more scrutiny if you act like a man and stop hiding behind your screen.
Sincerity is everything
There’s honestly very little point in psyching yourself up for an apology if you don’t do it properly. It’s unbelievably easy to spot an insincere gentleman and if the person you’re apologising to is already riled up, nothing will tip them over the edge like knowing you’re being insincere. If you don’t think you’re deserving of the dog house and feel as if the apology doesn’t need to be there in the first place, don’t bother. You’ll come off much better leaving the apology completely than just pulling one out of thin air because you feel like you should.
Use humour – sparingly
Humour is the best way to work yourself out of any situation and in this kind of situation can help massively – if it’s used with a bit of caution. Sometimes, it pays to try and get a laugh from someone, even when they’re acting like they never want to see you again. Try and make light of the situation, but not in a way that’s poking a dig at the other person’s emotions. Read the situation well, and you’ll come out on top.
If you’re not the only one in the wrong
You still need to apologise, even if you think you weren’t the only one in the wrong and that the person in question could do with giving you a bit of an apology, too. If that’s the situation as it stands, it’s likely that you both said some cross words. But you’re a gentleman, and you need to be the bigger person. Come forward and offer up the first apology. In doing so, it’s likely that they other person will offer up what they owe, too.
Don’t turn it around – and never make an excuse
Don’t bother apologising in the first place if you’re just going to tell the person that you only acted the way you did because of their actions. Even if this is true, the point is that you still owe an apology, so keep it as a simple and straight apology rather than trying to turn it into something else, which in turn places the blame directly on someone else. Equally, ruining your apology with an excuse completely defeats the object of apologising. Gentlemen should know when to bite their tongues.
(Main image: Mango. Featured image by Adam Fussell, styled by Holly Macnaghten)
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