Speaking as a woman on behalf of other women the world over, there are a few things that we all wish you knew and these are 15 of those things…
1. A Brazilian is about as close to modern day torture as we ever wish to get – so for god’s sake appreciate it – and it wouldn’t hurt to trim your nose hair or get a bit of manscaping down there in return.
2. Not calling when you said you’d call is the worst. We don’t care if you don’t call, (well not that much), just as long as you haven’t promised us that you will.
3. You do not need to play the whole ‘wait 3 days to call/message’ us after a date game – just call us if you want to. We have busy lives and don’t have time to play mind games. This does not, however, mean that we will reply/pick up your call, but hang in there for 3 days and we might return the call. We know it’s a double standard, so if you’d like to discuss this further, please feel free to leave a message.
4. We too are often afraid of commitment. You may think we all spend our lives scheming and pricking holes in condoms to trick you into settling down with us, but there are an awful lot of us out there who are genuinely quite happy being independent, career-driven women. Although that is not to say if the right guy comes along we won’t be changing our minds pretty drastically!
5. Even when you’re wearing dark glasses, even when we are blindfolded, looking in the other direction, 20 yards from you, we will always ALWAYS know that you have checked out another woman. We don’t care as much as you think we do, but we do care that you think we are stupid enough not to notice.
6. When debating if you should or shouldn’t ask the girl you like out, then please remember this; no matter who you are or what you look like, it’s always flattering when you ask us out. Always.
7. When we tell you about a problem we have, we are not looking for a solution or an action plan or even advice, we literally just want you to listen and tell us it is going to be alright…and then buy us fro-yo.
8. When we ask you if you want us to come over, all we want is a simple yes or no, saying ‘I don’t mind, do what you want’ messes with our minds and will result in arguments. You have been warned.
9. When we buy sexy underwear specially, it’s because we plan on staying in it for longer than 2 minutes – it is not an invitation to rip it off the second our dress hits the floor.
10. Don’t be fooled when we explicitly say we’re not looking for something serious or just want something casual. If we do go to the lengths of saying this, then we are probably lying, in the hope that you fall in love with us and change your mind about wanting to be single. So spare yourself the drama and us the extra weight that we will gain from comfort eating. It will end in tears. You will inevitably hurt us even if you didn’t intend to. If we’re already having sex then you should probably leave the country – we will already be emotionally attached and things will get ugly.
11. While it is the age of the independent woman, we still want to be taken care of and treated like princesses.
12. We want pudding and we want you to order pudding too. What we don’t want is for you to ask us if we want pudding.
13. When we ask you which outfit we should wear, just give us an answer – doesn’t matter which one you choose, just say anything. Still, don’t expect us to go with the one you did choose.
14. Yes we lust over the perfectly sculpted men in Calvin Klein ads, but having a ‘ripped’ body is an added bonus, not an essential.
15. Sunday night blues are a real thing, we expect take-out and copious amounts of spooning and hair stroking.